Harrison.

So yet again...Kim inspired me to write another post. I was blocked for a while. Her and I even had a convo bout it today. In order for the title of my post to make sense...you have to see Kim's title of her latest post. http://labound32.blogspot.com/2009/03/faith.html. After you read her post...remember the title of her's and then read mine.

When you read both...the titles put together will be Faith. Harrison. Faith Harrison is one of the key characters in my novel I'm writing. She's the one who gives the main character "faith" after she loses sight of herself. The character is strongly based after my friend and teammate Shawnae Harris, who died in a tragic car accident on November 21, 2007. That day, and the ones following were some of the hardest I've had to witness. Friends crying. Family breaking. Dreams dying.

It's not something I would wish upon anyone, but I know that it happens and we have no control over it. With this next statement, I know that I will probably and most likely get a few negative comments, but I don't care. I'm voicing my opinion. I know it was my friends' time to go, and people and pastors and psychologists will say that she's in a better place...but she's not. I mean honestly, what's better than being here, on this earth, with the ones you love? I remember her dad getting up in the middle of the funeral and saying that to everyone at the church. I'll never forget the look on his face. It was like he saw her there. Right in front of him, for the last time

I know the beginning of this post was morbid and not something you all necessarily wanted to read about, but I had to write it in order for understanding to take place.

Losing someone we love is the hardest of all.

In life, we make friends and acquaintances. Acquaintances are just faces in the crowd and friends are the glue that hold us together when we can't do it ourselves. In one of my older posts...about my 3 best friends...I talked about one in particular. One that I thought I'd lost in a time where I needed her the most. Well our relationship is one complicated one. Of course, if you were on the outside looking in, you wouldn't be able to tell that anything was wrong. But if you were friends with either one of us, you'd know.

So what was the problem? 3 different times we got into arguments or confrontations about the same exact thing, but neither of us would want to admit it. I won't talk about all 3 in detail because that would take an entire days worth of reading (joke) so I'm just gonna go in context here. These aren't there real names lol. its more fun this way

Bella = friend from post. Denise = former best friend from years before

In 2007 I called it quits on the basketball front. I knew I needed to get a job and start my life and I couldn't keep basketball as a number one priority anymore. Anyway, I discussed it with Denise, my best friend at the time. In the back of my mind, I knew I didn't want to quit because I knew I would lose her in the process since she was on the team with me. She assured me that wouldn't happen and after about a week I decided to let coach know I wouldn't be playing senior year. Of course, the team took it hard, but Denise seemed content. I thought nothing of it, but then as it started nearing the last few months of junior year, she started pulling away. Denise was this broody, enigma that a lot of people tried to figure out, not knowing that I was pretty much the only one who could figure her out since we were similar in pretty much every way. She was closed off, self destructive, self sacrificing, etc. I thought I would never find someone like her again, even though I truly knew she wasn't going to go anywhere for good. We still continued to talk, but of course it wasn't the same. It hurt a lot. To know that the one person who you went to for anything and everything, wasn't there for you anymore. And trust me, I never blamed her for doing what she loved. I would be a hypocrite if I ever thought that of her.

So after I quit, coach transferred me to a regular class during my 7th period since I couldn't be in athletic P.E. I was transferred to a history class...in which I met Bella. I had known of her since around 8th grade, but didn't KNOW her until that day when I switched in. Anyway, to shorten this story, I met Bella and we became vast friends. A lot of people thought we had been friends for years by the way we connected with each other.

What I was trying to portray about this story is that in the end Bella pushed me away just like Denise did. I lost Denise that way, and I wasn't going to let that happen with Bella. No way. So I pretty much told her I wasn't going anywhere. The whole pushing away thing happened a few times in reality, and I never went anywhere. The thing I found out while writing my novel that has to do with all this was that I could never understand why Bella kept pushing me away. After writing my novel, I figured it out.

Bella and Denise are the same. Broodyness. Attitude. Sarcasm. Family issues. Boy issues. How broken they really are. Just everything. I realized that I never gave up on Bella because it felt like I was having Denise back vicariously through her. I just couldn't let her go. It took me over a year to figure that out. I don't know why, but I can't help helping people in need. Those who are broken and lost. I can't just give up on someone because they push me away or decide that I don't matter to them anymore. There will never be a day where I will just drop everything and not care about someone.

So what I'm trying to say in this post is that we should never take anything for granted. Like Kim said as well, we need to live life each day because we never know what will happen or what life will throw at us. If you have a friend that you havn't talked to in days, weeks, months, or even years....give them a call. Even to just say hi. It doesn't hurt. Life's too short to hold grudges and place blame. Be the bigger person and take the high road, even if thats not your motto :)

You can never truly just stop caring about someone. Even if you hate someone, that's still a type of emotion towards that person. We all need and seek forgiveness. Why not give it to someone in need of it?

~A